God Never Left Even When I Did - Darren Peach

Addiction doesn’t only wreck your body and relationships, it can warp your faith until God feels distant and you feel disqualified. We sit with Darren, a brother in recovery, as he tells the unfiltered story of growing up with early abandonment, finding a loving adoptive home, and still drifting into the kind of restless ambition that chased money at any cost. That pursuit took him into nightlife work, exhaustion, heavy drinking, and eventually cocaine, until “just to keep going” became a daily craving and a collapsing life.

Darren describes the slow slide from casual use to full dependence, how addiction changes your behavior and your character, and why it blinds you to the damage you’re doing. Then he takes us to the moment everything finally breaks: sunrise on the Durban beachfront, no place left to go, and a simple prayer, “God, I need you.” What follows is a crisis center, unexpected mercy, and the beginning of a recovery journey where faith comes back gradually, not through hype, but through honesty, scripture, and people who show up.

We also dig into the hard parts that don’t get enough airtime: rebuilding trust with family, processing trauma, practicing forgiveness without abandoning boundaries, and learning why community is not optional if you want long-term sobriety. The conversation turns toward identity, spiritual growth, and the trap of performance, reminding us that what we do is not the same as who we are, and that becoming more like Jesus is a lifelong process.

If something here hits close to home, don’t sit with it alone. Listen, share this with someone who needs it, and subscribe, leave a review, or send us a message with the part you’re wrestling with right now.

Transcript

Addiction And Distance From God

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Addiction doesn't just affect our bodies, relationships, and our minds. For many people, it affects the relationship with God. Today, we're talking about how addiction creates distance between you and your faith. And what it looks like to find your way back. Enjoy.

Meeting A Brother In Recovery

SPEAKER_03 0:17

We're in the room, bro, out the Gully with Kelly. And um I'm I'm I'm not on set, as you can see. Behind the camera? I am still here, yes. And um what's really cool about this today is that three of us are in recovery. And uh I don't know how you guys met, but I met you guys um at the recovery space uh home ground. And so, yeah, bro. Personally, I've been excited for for this episode because usually you're on the other side of recovery. You you you you you help us. Uh you helped stew with some of the conversations we get into.

SPEAKER_06 1:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

And so I'm really curious to know a little more about you. So yeah, uh, Gali.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Yeah, obviously, uh Mr. Peaches over here, Darren. Yeah, man, so good to have you. Um, thank you, thank you so much for coming through. It's obviously, as Judas said, it's been waiting quite a while for this. And um, yeah, super excited to have you here um to share just a bit of your story and and share your journey um and just give some some insights into how you you are in recovery and what addiction had done in your life. But I mean, we go, what, two years back? Three, two years, yeah, three years, yeah. Um we actually met in the recovery house, which was super awesome. Um, yeah, when I first met you, you had that like blonde, I don't know what it was, man, in your hair, but but yeah, it was super cool. And and you, I think from the very beginning we just clicked, man. And it was it was super awesome to have somebody that I could call a brother in those in those spaces. And um, yeah, man, so yeah, welcome. Thank you for being here. And um, yeah, just tell us a little bit more about yourself, man. Yeah, cool.

Adoption Pain And Early Faith

SPEAKER_04 2:00

Um, I was born in Durban, uh born and bred. And um, yeah, so had a bit of a a tough, tough start to life. Um, yeah, my my mom was also in addiction, yeah. Um, full-blown alcoholic. And and yeah, I came into the world. I only lived with my biological mom for the first three years of my life. Um, after that, I was adopted. Um but kind of in that space, in retrospect, when I look back, like I realize a lot of where my hurt and my pain and my unforgiveness stems from from those early years of my life. Um but yeah, man, never knew my earthly father. Um I have a father in heaven. Um, but yeah, I never knew my my earthly father. And and yeah, so like I said, after the age of three, I got adopted.

SPEAKER_07 2:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:56

Um, so lived with my adopted parents for for the rest of my life. Um, yeah, went to school at Clement Boys High School. Oh, seriously. No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Such a good school.

SPEAKER_04 3:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Used to be. Used to be, yeah. I think it's still a good school.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

Um, and high school is kind of where my addiction started to start um taking root. Uh started hanging out with with the wrong mates, you know, smoking marijuana and and the usual stuff that that high school teenage boys go through and do get out to, yeah, cigarettes and and all of that. Um yeah, and that that's kind of where my my addiction started to take root. It wasn't the severity of my addiction.

SPEAKER_07 3:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

It was just the early years where I started to understand exactly like what rebellious nature looked like.

SPEAKER_07 3:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:43

You know? And um, yeah, but I grew up uh in the faith.

SPEAKER_07 3:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

I grew up as a Christian. Uh my adoptive parents were amazing. Um, they they loved me and they yeah, they they showed me what true love and true life was meant to look like.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

100%, yeah. Um definitely resonated with that.

SPEAKER_04 4:02

Yeah, so uh I grew up going to church, you know, Sunday school, uh youth ministries. Um I was baptized. Well, I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 11. I was baptized at the age of 13. Um, and so I always knew as as a as a light, like what it was, what it meant to follow Jesus, yeah, and and what that looked like. I I grew up in a very charismatic church. Um, and so worship was like charismatic, um, it was vibrant, it was energetic, it was a really great experience. It was imprinted in my life from a very young age. And and so I'm very thankful that I had the upbringing that I did, uh, which made the turnaround later on in life, which we'll get to just now, yeah. Um, so much easier, you know. Uh, but yeah, man, uh my addiction only only started uh becoming very severe once I um started going off the track

Money Chase That Opened The Door

SPEAKER_04 5:06

completely.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

I think I just wanna I just want to touch on that a little bit because it's very difficult. Even when I think about my addiction and and when I was going into active addiction, like when was that like moment where you're like, this is actually a problem? Or like when you started using a lot where you felt like you had like lost everything or like gone away from Jesus and that type of life. Like, can you can you say a little bit more on that in that like period?

SPEAKER_04 5:29

So for me it was money.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Okay, yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

I wanted to like make money, I wanted to be rich.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Yeah. Um all of us, all of us still do, still do.

SPEAKER_04 5:37

So so actually at the age of at the age of 19, just fresh out of my trick, uh, I was I knew God had called me into ministry then. And and then being uh young myself, uh, I knew God had called me into youth ministry.

SPEAKER_07 5:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:52

Um so I was leading a youth, and then I got targeted by a Methodist church in in Durban who said to me, Come and start up a youth group with with our church. We have no youth group. It'll be really cool for you to come and start something and get all the kids from the community in here and let's preach the gospel. And I did, I started it and it grew like exponentially with like 50 kids every Friday night coming and having a jewel and worshiping God. And and then I kind of handed it over to deacons in the church because I wanted to make money. And that wasn't making me money.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

100%.

SPEAKER_04 6:29

I wanted to have the big car, I wanted to have the the the fancy house, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that led me into pursuing a different career path. Uh started waitering, started bartendering, working three jobs seven days a week, all hours of the night, working in nightclubs, bartendering, um, just so that I could make money, and I was. But that lifestyle brings on a different necessity in your soul. Correct. Because you're working such long hours of the night. I would I would work at the nightclub on a Saturday night until Sunday morning, 7 a.m. And then leave the nightclub and go straight to the sports club where I was working a breakfast shift at eight o'clock.

SPEAKER_05 7:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

And then work right through Sunday, and then probably only sleep like Monday morning.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

Yo, you really wanted money, Doug.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

I'm just thinking about it. I'm like, yo, man, that's not that. I use a bartender stuff and I didn't do that much, man.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

And and I would walk out of Origin uh bartender at Origin Night Club. I would walk out of Origin on a Sunday morning with like two and a half grand. Yeah, fair enough pocket, yeah, but still went to the shift at the sports club. But you didn't need that. You didn't need to go.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Yeah, you didn't need you didn't need to go.

SPEAKER_04 7:40

But I just had this mindset of I need to make money, the hunger for money. But then that lifestyle brought on the need to like stay awake and stay moving and stay active, and that's when drugs came in. And so my friend introduced me to cocaine, and then that was the end of that.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

So before before, before the cocaine, were you still like drinking and stuff? And while you're bartending, just drinking was your casual.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

That's like that was your lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yeah, yeah. It becomes literally that a lifestyle. Because of the environment that we're in.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Yeah, people that are buying drinks are literally like, can I buy one for you?

SPEAKER_03 8:11

And then 100%, yeah, yeah. And like, bro, like what's happening during that time with your with your relationship with God, you know, um, because as you said, you grew up in the faith and you'd committed your your life, and then and then with with this chase, was there was there a conversation with God that was like, okay, God, I know you've called me to to ministry, but let me let me try to figure this out.

SPEAKER_04 8:40

Um the the the thing we need to, and I'm probably gonna reiterate this a few times today. But yeah, God never leaves us. We decide to not be aware of God being present. And in in that lifestyle, when you're chasing money, you know, the scripture says you can't serve God and money. And in that moment, when you're chasing after money and you're chasing after a lifestyle that doesn't align with God's will for your life, then that's when you're not being aware of his presence. He's never not there, it's just that you're not acknowledging the fact that he's there. And so, and so in your mind, you've pushed him away. He he can't be pushed away, he's God. But we're not acknowledging the fact that he's walking the journey with us. And and and the fact of the matter is, in my addiction, God was present in so many situations where his hand was over my life when I should be dead, I should be in an institution, I should be in jail. But God saw me through those moments. But in my mind, I wasn't aware of the fact now then that it was God. I'm only aware of that now, looking back in retrospect. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

No, 100%. So I just want to delve a bit deeper into the addiction side of things. So you said your mates um obviously introduced you to Coke, and what did it become like a casual thing at first? Um and then obviously progress into an everyday thing, or was it like I need to stay up for work? How did that how did that be?

SPEAKER_04 10:12

So yeah, it was a casual thing. It was it was a thing of like I need to keep going. So, you know, use what I need to to keep going. Um and then, like I say, the lifestyle just kicks in and takes over and it becomes an everyday thing.

SPEAKER_07 10:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

Um, it moves, it moves from your personality needing it to your body actually craving it. Yeah. Um, it moves from a spiritual and emotional thing to an actual physical thing where your body starts depending on and your neural pathway starts thinking about oh, I need to use.

SPEAKER_07 10:46

You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Um it it becomes as natural as brushing your teeth in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

And scary, but yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:53

It's super scary. And and the thing is, we it it doesn't just fall and stop, it just continues spiraling downward, downward, downward. And and yeah, to a point where people start realizing the nature of your character.

SPEAKER_07 11:09

Behavioral change, yeah, you're always high.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

And and so people start noticing this, and that's that's where relationships start start falling apart. You know, family starts not wanting anything to do with your decisions. Um, it's impossible to keep a girlfriend, stay in a relationship, um, because your life is so toxic.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

And and then it becomes a lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah. Yeah. And I and I think that we can we can always get to a point where, and in those moments, you didn't see the fact that family was distancing themselves and all of those things. Because you're so you're so blinded. And that's the thing about addiction, and that's why it's such a such a horrible disease that that that we go through, um, that people who suffer from it, because we don't see these things, and they're so like blatantly there in front of you, but we don't even notice it. Yeah, um, especially from the people that we love, relationships, moms, dads, you know, people that cared for us, and they like step back and be like, oh, well, they must just be, you know, I don't know, make up something crazy thing on our head and we just continue doing what we're doing. Yeah. But Darren, what I wanna, what I want to also ask you is just like when did you feel and when was it the the rock bottom moment for you where you bec where you understood that this was becoming unmanageable?

When Addiction Turns Unmanageable

SPEAKER_04 12:18

So this was this was probably about between eight and ten years into my addiction. Um get a job, lose a job, get a girlfriend, lose a girlfriend, um, to the point where I had lost everything. Um addiction takes you to a point where you become so dependent on the substances that you will do anything and everything to try and get it. So you get to a point of like literally selling the t-shirt off of your back to try and get your next fix. And and so it was, I can remember this day very vividly. Um, sitting on a beachfront on Durban Beach, and the sun was busy rising. Uh, I was there because I had nowhere to go, um, didn't have a place to stay anymore. Yeah, uh had destroyed every single relationship in my life that that you know that actually meant something to me. And and so I had no one to reach out to. Uh couldn't reach out to them because you sold your cell phone. 100%. You know?

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Um and no, no, I'm laughing, man. Because I relate so much to that, man. Because every single time I would use and I'd run out of money, I would literally sell my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like I need to ask someone for help, but I can't do it because I'm not my phone, man. And I'd do it 30 times. Yeah, it's crazy. Sorry. You'd sell everything, your driver's license, your ID. I literally told my okay, I didn't sell it, I just gave it anyway.

SPEAKER_04 13:44

Um, so yeah, I was sitting on this beach front with with nowhere to go, with with nothing, literally the clothes on my back.

SPEAKER_07 13:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

And um I just remember so so vividly just sitting there and I I cried out to God. I don't know why my my reflex in that moment was to go, God, I need you. Um but I'm glad that it was, you know, because if I didn't, at what point would God have intervened if I never ever said, God, I need you.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

100%, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:16

Um, and so my rock bottom was that day sitting on that beach, having lost everything, having lost everyone, and going,

Rock Bottom Prayer At Sunrise

SPEAKER_04 14:24

God, I need you. Like, this is not the life that you called me to live. This can't be a life that any person is is called to live. And and I don't want to live this life anymore. So I need your help. Like, and and at that point, in my mind, uh it popped into my mind this place that I that I knew of. I knew of it because my cousin is also an addict. Okay, uh, he unfortunately committed suicide because of addiction three years ago.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

So it's yeah, that man.

SPEAKER_04 14:56

Yeah, so um, but he had gone to this institution, it's down the south coast in the Mamzin City, and immediately this place just popped into my mind. I don't know why, but I knew that I had to go to this place, man.

SPEAKER_07 15:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:09

Like, come hello, how water, you're going. I'm going to this place. I don't know why I'm going to this place, but I'm going to this place. And so literally picked myself up from where I was, had nothing but the clothes on my back, and like started walking to this place because like I didn't know what else to do. I thought maybe I'd hitchhike along the way, but I think God was trying to teach me a lesson because no one stopped.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

You wanted this lesson. Literally, you wanted this, man.

SPEAKER_04 15:37

That like five and a half hour walk from Dermond's, I think it probably was longer, maybe longer than five and a half hours. Yeah. Um, but however many hours it took me to get to that gate, like the whole way there, just thinking and reflecting back on my life and reflecting back on every decision that I've made. And thinking, like, I was such an idiot, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

It's crazy how we think that, always very late. Well, I mean, it's the wonder late, yeah, but I mean, you know, it's just it's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

And and and then eventually got to this place and you know, kind of knocked on the door, and this guy came out to to see me, and he's like, Can I help you? And I didn't I didn't have words to say, bro. So I literally stood there and I just bored. Yeah, I cried my eyes out. I'm like, I don't know what to do. I don't know. Yeah, I have I have nothing, I have no one. Um and somehow, through God's grace, um, this guy had pity on me. And he took me inside and he like he gave me a a bath. Uh well no, he didn't bath me, but uh he gave me stuff to have a shower, and and yeah, man, he gave me like clothes to change into fresh clothes, he gave me some food to eat, and he told me he has a bed, go and sleep it off. When you wake up, we'll have a conversation. Um and that was the beginning of my recovery journey.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

And how many years ago was it?

SPEAKER_04 17:00

That was almost three years ago. Yeah, yeah, so yeah, man, that was the beginning of my recovery, and and that guy was like a spiritual um father figure in my life, a spiritual father, in a sense where I'm glad that he he had his relationship with God to the point where I only learned this later, but he had uh while in his prayer time, he had God telling him, I'm sending someone to you and I need you to look after this person. And it's crazy, yeah. And at that point, when he saw me at the gate and I was just crying and saying, I need help, he understood. Oh, this is the person God is sending, and and then had pity on me, and and just God's grace and favor and mercy from that point onwards to where I am today has just been unreal.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Incredible, unreal, bro.

A Crisis Center And Slow Restoration

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Yeah, bro, and like with with you at the beach, God, I need you, yeah, and getting to that recovery place, yeah, was was your awareness, as you mentioned earlier, of God becoming more apparent, or it was still just for you. I mean, I know I know being an addict, the first, the first my crowd was also God, I need you. And then, and then for a while or a while after that, it was all about I just just get me better, man. You know, I I I don't know whether it's about my allegiance to you or recommitting myself to you, but right now I just want to get better. Was it was it was it what was that transition?

SPEAKER_04 18:40

That that wasn't an immediate thing. It it wasn't a in in my mind, it wasn't a God, I need you to reveal yourself to me right now and like restore our relationship completely. Like that's not what it was. It was God, like I need you to try and get me out of this hole I'm in. It was it was a selfish crowd because it was God, I need you. Um, I'm lost, I'm broken, I'm suffering. Um, I need you to step into this space. And then eventually, over time, my awareness of God being present and my relationship with God was restored slowly over time. But that wasn't an immediate God, I need you to reveal yourself to me right now. Um, it was more of a cry for help than anything else. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

And that's that's incredible because you know, as as much as we we need God, and I think you said it in the very beginning, he's always there, no matter how far away we stray. And I say it all the time as well. It's just it's so incredible, even when you when you cry at him in the in the lowest of lows, and it's a selfish cry, still, he's still there for us. Um, and it's such a beautiful thing, man.

SPEAKER_05 19:44

It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

It's such a beautiful thing. And then so just moving moving on, you obviously then now in recovery, and you were in this place in Soti. And and how did how did you find wanting to change your life? Like, because you know, often we say that you need to understand that you have a problem and admit to yourself that you have a problem, yeah, and and obviously hand that over to God. How did that transition look like for you? Were you was your mindset, I just want to get better to get back to where I was, and then I'll be able to use again, or was it like I never want to use drugs ever again? Like, what was that thought process for you?

SPEAKER_04 20:16

I think the latter. Um, as my mind started to to become more sober, uh, I started to realize the how much of an idiot I was, yeah, and how much of life that I just completely destroyed over the last 10 years. And yeah, bro, like my my cry to God was to get me out of the pits, which is exactly what he did. You know? And then and then slowly but surely, as I started to spend time, because at this facility where I was, I say it's a facility because it's not actually a rehab, like it's a crisis center.

SPEAKER_07 20:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 20:56

So they deal with people who are in crisis situations, just 90% of the time, that is Addicts. Addicts. Yeah, yeah. And so that's the thing, the crisis that they deal with most often. Um, but they don't only deal with addiction, so it's not really a uh a recovery. Recovery heart, yeah. Um, and and so in this place, this guy that that let me in, just his name was Mango. Very strange name for a man, but his name was Mango, and he's the one who sat with me and who he literally re-ignited a passion inside of my heart for God's word. We we sat and did Bible studies, we we read scripture together, and the more I did that, and the more the relationship mine and his and mine and God's developed into something where I can really trust this guy to to teach me things that I know in my heart my life needs to be able to go the trajectory that I want it to go.

SPEAKER_07 21:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:52

And and then God started spending time with me in those spaces and started comforting me in those spaces and comforting me through. Scripture.

SPEAKER_07 22:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:01

And and as the more I read, the more I studied, the more I wrestled with God's word, the more I started to realize that this wasn't God pulling me out of a pit for me to just wreck my life again. It was God pulling me out of a pit because he had called me to bigger things.

SPEAKER_06 22:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:19

And he had a calling on my life that I needed to start living out. And I knew that when I was a teenager.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Yes. But you just strayed from that.

SPEAKER_04 22:28

And I strayed from it.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:30

And like I like Judah, you asked me the question earlier. Like, God is always there. I didn't push God, I pushed God away. He didn't push me away. I do with that, yeah. He had called me and he had a calling on my life, and he loved me from the moment that I gave my life to him. And that changed in my heart, but never changed in his.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

It's such a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_04 23:23

And and when the things start clicking and you go, oh, those like epiphany moments. People call them light bulb moments. When the light bulb comes on and you like, oh snap. That's what, oh God, that's who. Oh man. Yeah. And and and then you start living in that and it becomes your your reality. Um yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

It's transforming. I think before, before obviously we we started shooting, you you said something to me, like you know, on Instagram, man, you gotta remove, you gotta remove some people because you you you had a picture of somebody who said like family or something. And I think for me, my biggest calling were well not my biggest calling, but like when I was in the recovery space, I was always asking God to give me a friend, a true friend, right? And when you came into the recovery house and we we clicked the way we did, because we obviously went the recovery house in in Westfall, it was such an eye-opening experience for me because you, as you said, Mango had taught you so many things about scripture and and how um evolved you were in in the word, and hours lost, right? Like with when it came to the word and scripture. And when you came into the house, you were so influential and I admired that so much about you because you you didn't just care about me as a human being, but you cared about my path within Christ. And I think that that is such a unique aspect of our friendship and and who you are. Um, and I will forever be grateful that you that you you did that for me. And I think you transformed my my thought process of how I look at scripture, how I feel about praise and worship. Because, like in the beginning, I remember at church, we'd go to church, and I wouldn't really sing songs, man, and like jump around or whatever. And then like you were obviously in the band and things like that. And then that gave me the motivation and one and the hunger to want to do that. Um, and it's it's so you had such a big influence on that, and it shines through your influence um on many different people, not just me, and and every person that you speak to, every young adult, every every person that interacts with you, your number one priority is Jesus and what Jesus has done to you to get you to this point. And that's just so incredible, man. And I just want to say I'm super proud that you you've got into this point. Um, but yeah, just speaking on the on the recovery house in Westfield, obviously that's where we met and and that's how things um progress between me and you. But um obviously there've been some difficult times, man. You know, recovery is, I mean, addiction is super hard, but recovery is just as hard, in my opinion. Um Do you want to share some like some hard moments that you had in the recovery space, like when you were in recovery, and I think you were a year when you came into the Western House or just over a year um clean. How what were some of the challenges you still felt um that you at that time in the recovery house? Yeah, yeah.

Triggers Withdrawals And Rebuilding Trust

SPEAKER_04 25:57

Well, look, I think most of the challenges came through uh an Amazon To team. Um so within the first six months, that's where a lot of the challenges was. It's it's a mindset shift at that point. Um and so it's fighting your demons, it's fighting your your own uh desire to want to go and use because there's cravings, there's triggers, there's emotional imbalance, there's all those things that play a part. And and we're just we're just human, man. We're we're fallible human beings.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

100%.

SPEAKER_04 26:30

And and so like those things are are real, yeah. And so that was that was where initially a lot of the the challenge lies. Um also in restoring relationships, man. Yo, that was a hard journey. Um, I can remember that first phone call. Um, Mungo had actually told me, listen, bro, I think it's time you phone your mom and like tell her you're here and tell her you're alive. And I can remember that first phone call. I like took his phone and I phoned my mom and it rang and she answered and I said sheepishly, hey mom, it's Darren. And bro, she just burst out into tears. And she's like, My boy, I thought you were dead. Where are you? Like, where can I find you? Tell me where you are now, come right now, yeah, to come and get you. And as I'm telling you that, I literally have tears in my eyes because it's such a beautiful moment of us thinking, oh, they don't care. Yeah, you know, I'm just uh I'm just a useless addict, I've hurt people, I've pushed people away, and I'm on my own in this. And and that's just like things we tell ourselves in our heads. We tell ourselves lies, and and it wasn't the truth. I had people who actually cared, yes, and who actually like thought something bad had happened to me, and I just didn't bother reaching out to them. And so restoring relationships was a huge I mean that that kind of thing is inspiring, but from then on, building trust with those people and and restoring relationships back into place. I mean, I have three brothers, yeah, and all three of them had at that point written me off. Yeah, they were like, he's not our brother, you know? Um to the point now where I have a beautiful relationship with all three of my brothers. And and yeah, so like restoring relationships, fighting the the inner battle of of withdrawals, triggers, um, that type of thing. The problem is we I I don't know about you, Ghani, but I just didn't stay on one drop. Oh no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

I was I I love to experiment. Everything is in not in a good way, not it's not in a literally man. If it could make you ha, I have done it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 28:45

Yeah, so that was that was like where Elad got to in my in my addiction, where I was using anything and everything.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

100%.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

And so it went from marijuana to heroin.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:55

And and I mean, we all know what heroin does to to a human being physically. 100%. And so that kind of stuff, getting through that kind of stuff was so challenging, man. Um, yeah. After the after the first year, I would say the challenges changed from a from a physical, like restoring physical relationships and getting through the physical side of things.

SPEAKER_07 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:17

The challenges change to more of an emotional, mental. Yes. And then after that, spiritual.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Yeah. So I just want to in that in that space.

Forgiveness With Boundaries For Family

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Yeah. I just want to touch on the on the emotional and mental side of things because in the beginning you said um you were adopted when you're three years old and and you didn't have your mom, uh, your biological mom or your dad, correct? Yeah. So I know, well, I don't want to say I know, but that would have been a very big traumatic experience as a young kid, right? Um, because I can relate because I kind of went through something similar. Um so in your addiction, um, and then in your recovery journey, was that something you had to go back and look at and unpack and and speak to somebody about? And and how did that look like for you? Was it a I mean it's a super difficult thing to speak about? And for me, let me just speak in on my experience is is that even if I speak about it, it's still such a hurtful thing to be able to speak about because you don't fathom that somebody who loves you could do that to you. And you just mentioned something now, um, that when you phoned your mom, she was like, I'll come there right now. And we don't realize that the people who love us still love us. And I think I relate in the sense that because my mom or my people who were supposed to love me when I was a kid didn't. So maybe that's why my mindset was like that when I was an addict. That like if my biological family couldn't love me, how are like, you know, just for some random people supposed to love me? Um, so is that kind of similar to you?

SPEAKER_04 30:40

Yeah, I mean, I knew I knew that my adopted parents loved me. Um, they treated me like their own son. Um, but yes, forgiveness is a is a huge thing, bro. It is something that we have to literally do so many times over again.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

You know, it grew up, man. Whenever we speak about forgiveness, I'm just like, man, I can't, not today. I can't do it today. But it's a real thing, man.

SPEAKER_04 31:03

Yeah, it's such a someone someone asks Jesus, you know, like how many times must I forgive? Must I forgive seven times? Like asking sarcastically. And Jesus responds to him and says, No, you must forgive 70 times seven.

SPEAKER_06 31:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:15

And and that's a large number of times we need to forgive one person, man. And and and so that's something that you have to work on in your recovery journey is forgiveness.

SPEAKER_06 31:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:26

Um, so I had to forgive my biological mom, for example. I mean, she was smoking crack while she was pregnant with me, you know, and that type of thing can imprint itself genetically onto an unborn child.

SPEAKER_07 31:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:41

And and and that's really like spiritual and literally um biology stuff that gets, you know, taking place there. And and yeah, bro. And then at the age of three, she like kind of abandoned me. She didn't even, she didn't even let me go gently, bro. She like, she told me, no, we're gonna go and visit your aunt, and then took me to my aunt's house, and I'm coming back in the afternoon for you, and then never pitched. And here we are, like 32 years later. That's impressionable.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

That's like uh it's like it's like we and your dad goes about bread, bro. So same concept, man, but uh yeah, it's it's obviously it's it's we can make light of it now and and joke about it now because you've done the work to to be able to figure it out but it's still a super difficult thing to have gone through um as a human being, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:28

And my biological mom, bro, like I know where she is now.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Have you reached out to her? Have you spoken to her?

SPEAKER_04 32:33

So so in recovery, there's a there's a little word that uh I like using and it's called boundaries. Yeah, I would love that one. I love it. I have them all set up, not really, but uh yeah. You know, and it's and it's something that we have to be really strict with ourselves about.

SPEAKER_07 32:47

Yeah, no, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 32:48

So so my biological mom is still living quite a toxic lifestyle, even till this day.

SPEAKER_07 32:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:54

And so my boundaries is you're forgiven, but that doesn't mean that we have to have any type of contact or communication. Yeah, I love you, I pray for you all the time that God would save you, that um that you would give your life to Jesus and that you would change your ways.

SPEAKER_06 33:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:10

Um, but that's about all that in within my boundaries that I've said to myself that I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

And that you're ready for right now, and that's completely okay.

SPEAKER_04 33:17

I mean, I think I probably could be ready for more, like sort of physical contact in terms of ministering to. So I would love to be a part of my mom's salvation journey. Um, but like I think I'm capable of doing that physically, yeah, but with regards to my boundaries, like I don't want to step over those boundaries. And so my boundaries is the like I've said, I'm gonna love you and I'm gonna pray for you.

SPEAKER_07 33:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:41

And and that's about all I'm gonna do because I don't want to let myself get sucked into anything because ultimately, at the end of the day, we have a connection. Correct. So you're my biological mother, you gave birth to me. 100% and I don't want to be influenced by you in any way. I would much rather you be influenced by me, but for now, let's do that at a distance.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

100%. And and we always say recovery is such a selfish journey, and and it's for those reasons because you have to set up those boundaries and be like, yo, man, I can't, I can't go past this because of what it would do to me. Um, and I've worked so hard to get to this point that I can't just risk it. Yeah, you know, as much as she has your biological mom and as much as you do love her, but you you've set a boundary to be like, well, I love you, mom, and I'm gonna pray for you, but from a distance. Um and that's completely understandable and and and fine. But um, yeah, the reason why I asked you about how how you dealt with that trauma, I think it's because a lot of people in addiction have trauma that we all need to deal with. And regardless, like you you've given us your your bit of a testimony and how you grew up all the way up to your recovery, and it's it's so many different aspects of that, right? There were traumatic experiences that had happened. Um and I just wanted to try and unpack how people speak about those traumatic experiences because I think that's where the problem lies, and not just and not just um people in addiction, but people with mental health issues, to obviously have conversations and be open about having conversations about your traumatic experiences, about how you're feeling and things like that. And and I don't know about you, Peaches, but for me, um, and you can even ask my partner as well, our struggle to not process my feelings, but to um talk about my feelings. So I'll uh something will happen to me, or something that happened 10 years ago. And I will give you the actual example, right? So I'm gonna be a bit vulnerable here. So um I dated someone, we got engaged, she left, she went overseas, and I was supposed to go overseas, and I didn't go overseas. And um recently last week or the week before, I found out that she, well, she got married and stuff, and she had a she had a baby, right? And we had discussed like baby names, right? And she named the baby the baby name that we discussed. And like you, you know what I mean, man. And like it's been 10 years. Like, I should just be able to go, oh, well, whatever. But like it hit me in such a way that I didn't know how to process that. Yeah. Like, what do like me and her have no form of communication for the last 10 years. We don't, I don't talk to her, I don't see her, I don't follow on social media, nothing, right? But it's like, how do I process that? And till this day, I still don't know how to process it. And it's like, that's a bad thing, right? Because I know in recovery, if you don't process something or don't speak about something, obviously it pulls up and pulls up and pulls up and can lead you back into addiction. And I know that my mindset is not wanting to go there, but it's like I need to have these conversations about that situation. And that's what I mean with about traumatic experiences or any experiences that anybody goes through in in life, is that it's so vitally important for us to have a conversation about it and obviously have have boundaries. But for my instance, or my example right now, I can't have any boundaries. There's nothing that there's for me, it's like difficult to process those things. And I think people suffer without an addiction. They suffer to process certain things, so numbing the pain is a lot easier. And how would you how would you try and help somebody who felt that way or thinks that way? Like what would you, what would, what advice would you give to somebody like that?

SPEAKER_04 37:08

The biggest thing I think the big our biggest tool in in recovery is community.

Community As The Recovery Lifeline

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Yes, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 37:16

And so having a handful of people who are around you who you can trust, yeah, that you can speak to about anything and everything that you can depend on in in hard times, like that time, is this the first time you've told that story? Correct. The first time, correct. And it's only coming out now.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Yeah. Like it's actually so crazy, man. No, do you know why? Do you know why I say that, guys? It's because all the time, whenever something happens, he's like, bro, just talk to me. Just talk to me. And I'm like, no, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. But he knows I'm not fine. Um, but yeah, this is the first time I've ever come to your life.

SPEAKER_04 37:53

It's literally having people around you because, like you say, you need to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:58

If you don't talk about it, it doesn't, it becomes undealt with.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Correct.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

And it sits inside of you and it festers and it and it grows into unforgiveness, and then that unforgiveness grows into bitterness and then resentment and resentment and anger. And we have a thing in recovery, it's called halt's. So anything that makes you hungry, angry, lonely, tired, tired, sick, we do we like try and avoid those things, but we can't always avoid those things.

SPEAKER_06 38:23

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:24

And so to have a community around you to know that when I'm hungry or when I'm angry or when I'm lonely or when I'm tired, that's when I'm most vulnerable. And and it's not always easy to get through situations when you're tired.

SPEAKER_06 38:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:39

Or when you're angry. And that's why you have community around you, to hold your hand through those moments and through those situations to help you through to the other side. Yeah, you can't do it alone.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

No, 100%.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

Recovery cannot be done alone.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Yeah, I love that you say that because me and Judah have been singing the same song, man. We just got you can't, you can never do it by yourself, man. You can you can never do it by yourself.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

Um, if you don't mind, I'd like to. There was there was there was there was somewhere you were going, you were cooking. No, no, no, no. That portion of of what you guys shared speaks a lot into into just my week and what I've been experiencing. But um, yeah, um, I always tell Gelly, I'm very, very, very up here in my in my dialogue. So I'm still I'm still I'm still in your timeline. Um where you you you were speaking about um the process and and the time it took within your recovery journey, that you you you you were getting through some of the physical things and you're moving towards the the the spiritual end of it.

SPEAKER_06 39:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:51

Um I'm super excited. Whenever I hear something that that that has to do with with God restoring you, with with with God reigniting your purpose, um, because I believe that's also where you are now. Yeah. Um well within the purpose God had intended back at 19 years old. Absolutely. You know, um and so yeah, when when you said you were about a year in and then you started noticing the spiritual end.

SPEAKER_06 40:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

I want to pick your brain around that and how it's resumed the dream and the mission from 19 years old.

SPEAKER_04 40:29

So so the battle begins uh with identity. Uh

Identity In Christ Not Performance

SPEAKER_04 40:35

it begins knowing who you are, so that you can begin to help other people know who they are. Um it's it's the battle of identity. Uh, if I don't know who I am and what I'm called to be, then I'm just a lost human being. And and so so God calls each and every single one of us with a specific calling. And um that might some people say for for me, it might I might have a different calling to you. No, you do, you can sing, I can't sing. Yeah, but that's not a calling. So that's exactly that's that's exactly the point I'm trying to make. So if I believe that my calling is to be a worship leader, yeah, right, that's my calling, God called me to lead worship.

SPEAKER_07 41:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:22

And tomorrow morning I'm in an accident and I break my fingers and I can't play guitar anymore.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Yeah, you can still sing, bud.

SPEAKER_04 41:29

But what does that mean? Yeah, like I can't lead worship anymore, I'm crippled. So, does that mean I'm just useless because now I can't live in my calling? Yeah, yeah. What I do and who I am are two completely different things. And so if you say to me, uh yeah, God's called me to work here at Spa, like that's what you do. It's not who you are. You see, God's called you to be someone, not to do something. Wow. And so for me, it was understanding my identity, understanding that God is calling me to be someone. He's calling me to be a child of God. He's calling me to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. He's calling me to understand who I am in him, so I can live that out and so I can be the light in the in a dark world. You know what I mean? And and that's what we're called to be. We're called to be a light on a on a hill. We're called to be the salt of the earth. That that pertains to us being someone, not doing something. The the the doing something comes out of realizing who we are. The the action comes out of the identity. And so so the first the first struggle with with spiritual warfare was was identity. It was knowing who I am in Christ and knowing what God says about me, not what the world says about me. Because at that point, the world was saying that I was useless, that I was, you know, that I had no worth, no one loved me, you know, I was guilty of everything that I did. And and those words will play over and over in your head because the world is telling you you're shameful, you're guilty, you're unloved, you're worthless. Yeah. Because of the decisions that we've made. And even through the decisions that we've made, God still says you're worthy, you're loved, you're called, you're chosen. And so it was understanding who my identity was in God and to be able to live that out into everyday life was where the transition happened in my spiritual faith. That didn't happen overnight, bro.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

Yeah, I was just about to say, man, because I I want to ask, because it's such a like spir spiritually, I know that Jesus loves me and I know that I'm a Christian and I and I go to church and I and I believe in God, and He's the reason why I'm here today, and the reason why we have out the Gully with Gully and why I have a job and a car. House and whatever the case may be, like he is the reason.

SPEAKER_05 44:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

But when you said that that spiritual journey of finding identity takes a process, like I feel like I'm still in that process.

SPEAKER_06 44:09

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

Um, and and and it's it's so difficult sometimes because I get so frustrated because I'm just like, why am I not there? Why am I not finding my my purpose or my identity, you know? Um, so yeah, just just we're in that process. Like, how did you how long did that process take for you? And I mean, it's not gonna take the several months.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

I might actually ask ask this to piggyback on what you're saying. Yeah, like um, I can identify with with with moments of being um spiritually stuck even within my recovery, just because of unlearning all the things um that have been said over me, I've said over myself in addiction, and then and then also now coming through to coming back into my awareness of God, there's there's this battle of I shouldn't be an addict, you know, or like this isn't this doesn't feel like a godly thing. So sometimes if cravings or things, or if I if I just have that this week, I had a spiritual disconnect. Yeah you know, and I was wrestling with God, where am I spiritually if if because I am working on on seeing you from how seeing me from how you see me, but I feel spiritually stuck as well. You know, um did you come across something like that within within your your your walk? I don't know if it if it kind of touches into what you're saying.

SPEAKER_04 45:44

Um look, a real a relationship is exactly that. It's it's a relationship. If I never develop the relationship with my girlfriend, or if I barely ever speak to her, like our relationship is gonna go nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Correct.

SPEAKER_04 46:01

You know what I mean? And just like we develop our relationship with human beings by spending time together, by talking to each other, by catching up, having a coffee, asking how you're doing, those kinds of things develop a relationship into more and more of a meaning relationship.

SPEAKER_06 46:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:19

And it's the same thing with our relationship with God. If we never reading his word, if we're never spending time in prayer and spending time in communication with him, if we're never spending time investing into that relationship, it there's gonna be times when we feel like, oh God, you're so far away from me right now. You know, and like I feel so spiritually disconnected. But it's because we go through seasons of like just not speaking to God. Because sometimes everything's going well, and then before we know it, it's been like eight days, and we're like, oh, I haven't even prayed or read my Bible.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

Right. I can relate so much to that, man.

SPEAKER_04 46:55

And and and then and then we go, and then like troubles come and high C's come, and we go, God, where are you? Like, you feel so far away from me. And he's like, No, you haven't spoken to me in two weeks. You know what I mean? And and so we need to be mindful of the fact that our relationship with God needs to be as personal as any of our relationships in our lives, or even more personal. Because God is person, he has a personality and and he wants to be near to us and he wants to be close to us, and he is, but because we don't invest time and energy and love into that relationship, it doesn't always flourish the way we hope it would. And and just to go back to your question about like that journey and how long it takes, it never comes to conclusion. One day it will, yeah. When you die and you go to heaven, thanks, features. Love it. And then you'll be in heaven and you'll be in full glorified form and you'll be worshiping God, and then that journey will be completed. And until that day comes, until you pass on from this earth, that journey of like getting through that process of building that relationship with God never ends.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

The reason why I ask that is because I look at you, for example, right? And it's like came into the recovery house, obviously was part of the church. We both were, we served, we did everything we needed to do, and you're a really good player guitar and whatever the case may be. And and then you start serving on the band, and then you become a worship leader, and like obviously this year, and things like that, and you're studying right now, right? So you're studying theology, yeah, and you're doing all these things, and that's because you identified yourself, right, within Christ, because you know which trajectory you want to go in. And I'm like, mate, I was same time, me and him, same WhatsApp group, same time, man. And I'm and I'm not reading my Bible for a couple weeks, months, and like I'm just like, you know, and it's crazy because I look at you and I'm just like, that is the perfect example of somebody who is following their faith to the T. And not to say that I'm a bad Christian or like that I don't love Jesus. It's just um, I don't know why it's not happening for me. And I know we I shouldn't compare, obviously, because it's not we're not never had the same journeys or whatever the case may be. It's just it's super awesome to see that it's working out for you. And I I I just want mine to work out the same way um in my own identity with Christ. And now you're like, oh yeah, the spiritual journey takes until you die. And I'm like, mate. Yeah, but you know what I'm thinking. I'm just like, yo, man, this is quite far away.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

I'm noticing, I'm noticing from what you both said around around this is Gali, I think the doing is is is what you're focusing on to establish the who. So so reading your Bible, praying, all these things, I've I've been learning recently that those aren't things I keep, or those aren't things that make God happy, those are things that from from the Holy Spirit in me. That's that's uh related to ri it being written on my heart, is is that it it it no longer comes as a have to, but um a desire to, convicted to. And so, and so what I've what I've been um learning and doing is submitting that very thing, you know, because I do I do wrestle sometimes with like, but God, you know, I'm praying here, I'm I'm I'm I'm doing the things.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

I go to church here.

SPEAKER_03 50:30

I have a I have a friend who we we've been walking a journey together, and I wonder why I glitch when when we're in rooms and people say, Judah, you be the errand to his Moses, who keeps his hands up when when when when um he gets tired. And I'm like, no, but I also want to be a Moses because I value, I value feeling, you know. I think transparent in that in that I have this deep desire for for for my actions to to reflect what's happening inside, but it's actually the opposite. It's what's happening inside that's supposed to reflect in my actions. And so, and so I think I think it's asking God, God, I learned that it's that mind, it's that addiction mind. Um performance. Yeah, my brother, my brother is is is in in in um active addiction. And it's it's crazy how I'm learning through him some of these things, but I've noticed how we have the I get I don't know if it's you can call it neuroparts, but in addiction, you constantly you know mess up and then then you you you throw out like 10 promises based off that. And you you you you have this mentality of I have to do enough to show that I'm I'm I'm really contrite or I'm really changing. And so and so unlearning that mindset is tough because a lot of things you want to do is, yo, uh if I if I'm a Christian, that means I should be doing this and this and this and this. Yes, yeah. But it's it's it's again identity. It's that identity crisis. Let God establish that within you. Um, don't think that that's puts a level up on you. You is this isn't Fortnite, bro. But yeah, no, that's that's just what I uh uh from from hearing what I was saying. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 52:33

Um Abraham was justified because of his faith, man. You know what I mean? Uh it wasn't his works. If he was justified by what he did, he wouldn't have been justified.

SPEAKER_06 52:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:45

Um, he was justified through his faith. And and so, like Judah's 100% right, bro. We need to we need to be with Jesus and spend time with him, and in the being with him and spending time developing that relationship, then we become like him. Because ultimately, our goal as human beings, if Jesus set the perfect example of how to be a human being, we should be. We surely should be trying to be like him. Very difficult. It is difficult, and that's why I say that's the process of sanctification. It's a big word that we that we use in in what we call Christianese. No Christian Ease.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

No idea what that is now.

SPEAKER_04 53:21

That language that all Christians use when people they say words and people go, huh?

SPEAKER_03 53:26

I use I use that word over food, bro.

SPEAKER_04 53:30

No, sanctify. So there's this process of sanctification, which is just becoming more and more like Jesus over time. And and the way we do that is by spending time. Time with him.

SPEAKER_06 53:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:41

So we be with him so we can become like him, so we can do what he did. 100%. And and yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 53:47

All

Reach Out Takeaways And Prayer

SPEAKER_01 53:48

right, cool. Beaches, I appreciate uh your time and your efforts for coming out today. Um, and obviously sharing your testimony and and your wisdom and your faith journey. And yeah, man, just again, as I said earlier, I'm just super proud of where you've you've come and how far you're going. And I'm I can't wait to continue this journey with you. Um because it's been a while, man, and we've still got a long way to travel. But uh yeah, thanks for the support. Thanks for always just being there, man. Um I just wanted to say, um, just for our listeners, man, what's what like what would you like to just give away from from today? Um, just so somebody can take maybe a nugget with them or or anything you'd just like to share with with our crowd.

SPEAKER_04 54:25

I think uh the biggest thing would be would be reaching out. Um a lot of times we can we can relate to something we hear or it can stir something inside of us. And and and if that's the case, whether it's on the good side or the bad side, reach out, man. Like if something you've heard and hear ignites inside of you a desire to want to grow your relationship with God more, then reach out to some reach out to someone in your church. Act luck. Yeah, speak to someone, build a community around you. And if it's in the it's if it's in the negative side where you feel like, yo, I feel worthless because like these guys have it all figured out and I'm nowhere, um, like that's not true, first of all. And second of all, if you're feeling that, then reach out. Um build a community around you of of solid anchors of people who who love you and who want the best for you. And then yeah, just keep pushing forward one day at a time, man. You are loved and you are chosen and you have a purpose, and so push into that and and yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 55:26

100%. Appreciate it. Are you gonna pray us out, man? I can pray. Judah, thank you for for for uh being here today, man. Also appreciate you. We'll never never forget you, mate. Yeah, just because you're not here, we we still appreciate you, man. We still appreciate you. Yeah, um, always, always awesome to to shoot with you, Judah. And obviously, as this podcast is growing, I'm just so excited for what it's gonna bring and and how many um different testimonies like yours can change people's lives, man. Um and this is the whole reason why I do this, man. So yeah, Ad Ghali um with Gali, with Darren, it's been super, super awesome. Darren, if you don't mind paying us out.

SPEAKER_04 55:57

Yeah, God, we we thank you for the recovery space. We thank you that uh you have called each and every single person with a calling to be a child of God, with a calling to be chosen and accepted and loved. And so we thank you that you've called each and every single one of us. We pray, God, that as we take this journey one day at a time, one step at a time, that you would walk this journey with us, God, and that, yeah, Lord, that you would just be the light inside of our heart so we can shine the light of Jesus into the world. Uh yeah, God, we just so we're thankful. We thank you for Gully and for Judah and for for these podcasts where we can we can help people and share insights into a into a spiritual journey and a physical journey of such as recovery, God. And so we thank you, God, that you're interested in this and that yeah, that we're loved by you and and we're just so grateful for who you are. It's really a true privilege to to walk this journey. Yeah, in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 57:01

Amen.